Inspiring Insight About What Gets In The Way, And What You Can Do About It
Written by Vivienne Juan, Associate Elect
Do you want to create as much value as possible at home? As a parent, a partner, a friend? Or do you want to realise your potential at work as an employee? A colleague? A boss? Or do you want to serve others outside your front door and serve those in desperate need more than you currently have the capacity to?
Wherever you want to serve, the journey to success still needs to start with the first step. Yet there is no shortage of things that could get in the way of our success. That’s reality, right? We live as imperfect beings in an imperfect world. But if there’s one fundamental truth here, it’s that we get in our own way, more than anything or anyone else.
In this blog, I’ll share with you how I’ve gotten in my own way, alongside four one-minute videos from our Lighthouse Global Head Mentor, Paul Waugh, and Dr Jordan Peterson, imparting wisdom on ways you can start to see, be, and do things differently.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor Frankl
Reclaim Responsibility
One of the first things I learned through being mentored, was to be response-able. I could start the day with the loftiest intentions, but it didn’t take long for the reactive fire-fighting to begin. Instead, I needed to take control of my life, by first taking control of myself.
Get the Wrong Results
This is a tough one for me: be willing to make mistakes. I grew up feeling like I had to be somebody else to be liked, fake it till you make it. What that precipitated though was this paralysing fear of failure — I hoped no one would ever see behind my facade, for fear of being found out as truly unloveable as I thought I was. What I really needed was to have been brought up and taught to do the exact opposite!
I spent a lot of my life speaking a good game, being ineffective, and coming undone. But I am seeing differently these days, and I now know that failure is actually the most important part of success, because it’s where you learn the most, if you’re willing. It’s not something that I’m super-willing to do on my own though (I’m still working on it). So having a mentor to support me and keep me accountable to the healthiest version of who I want to be has been priceless.
Care for the Whole Human
Speaking of health, it’s so important to look after all your needs, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s like running a road car — if you have one flat tyre out of the four, it won’t matter if it’s a Ford or a Ferrari, you’re not going to be able to drive her anywhere!
I’ve made the mistake in the past of letting emotionally toxic relationships fester, or staying spiritually disconnected from my source. So long as I push that uncomfortable stuff down, and have my mind and body pushing along, then I’m fine, no? Wrong. Sure, I can eat, sleep, work, repeat, but that’s not really LIVING! I mean, who wants to go slow in a Ferrari?
Stand for Truth
Live, and not be lived. After all, humans are not intended to live as robots, as automatons, but as smiling, laughing, crying, joyous, powerful human beings. Stand for our humanness and with our humanity. It’s an ongoing process but it’s been worth it to be part of a mentorship community where I could learn to heal and overcome the obstacles in my world, in my work, and in my family (and trust me, the family’s a must). Too long I lived programmed by my past, wondering, when will my life begin? Instead, I can use my past traumas to help others with theirs, and that’s the most rewarding adventure I’ve ever embarked upon.
If you or someone you know is experiencing toxic narcissism, to get the right support, please check out our Parents Against Trolls & Trolling initiative.
Learn more about mentorship with Lighthouse Global on our mentoring & coaching page, or join a support group or response forum to find out how you can help or be helped!
Have a question? To send me feedback or share your thoughts,
please do get in touch and drop me an email — I’ll be happy to hear from you.
Featured photo by Jill Wellington from Pexels
I really enjoyed and valued reading this post, thank you Vivienne! There's so much I resonate with, especially around the fear of getting the wrong results! I love the way you are using the term 'wrong result' as for most of my life I have focused on failures and then used this as an excuse not to try again, rather than seeing wrong results as a crucial part of eventually getting things well and truly right!
Thank you Viv! “We live as imperfect beings in an imperfect world.” Yes, there will always be new obstacles ahead, but are we facing up to them as imperfect beings, trying, failing, getting back up, trying, failing, getting back up.. or are we giving up or telling ourselves that we are not deserving better, or pretending we are somewhere where we are not? I feel I’ve done all of the above though life is the best mentor. I recognised I need support to overcome my challenges and reading your article helped me to step back and see the bigger picture. Thank you for sharing personally about your journey as well and bringing that together with Paul’s and Jordan Peterson’s wisdom.…
Thank you so much Viv, I can relate to putting obstacles in my way. I do on many occasions live more in the past, hearing people say that I am not good enough, I will never amount to anything. But due to the help, support and guidance of my mentor, I am working through these issues and am starting to live in the now, in the present. I am starting to break away from my past, by using my pain and suffering, (which is minimal compared to what children are suffering), to help others to be in a position to do the same. I value you adding the videos, they are powerful and to the point.
Thank you Viv for a powerful article. I spent a lot of time in the past feeling frustrated about why I wasn't able to achieve what I wanted in my life. It was only through being mentored that I began to see that the biggest obstacle was me! The freedom to choose how I respond is very powerful, yet I was reacting all the time to other people and situations, giving my power away. I resonated with the fear of failure from childhood. Like you, I put on many masks to try and fit in and this persisted well into adulthood, but I was constantly in fear that the mask would slip and everyone would see the real me and…
Awesome insights Viv, thank you for bringing this together. All of this is upbringing, the upbringing most of us don't have... the obstacles we face right in our own souls, in our own homes, we've become our own worst enemies to ourselves and each other yet it's possible to turn this around, in community, with the support, accountability and love of others. Not easy, which is why so few do it. Jordan Peterson and Paul Waugh, the latter who has personally seen me through the most challenging times in my life, are nailing down the critical inner work that most people run away from....